It was 5th period and the dirty old man started to sneeze.

As he sneezed his pants fell down revealing to Ben...

...a very hairy person. He was so hairy they thought he was Bigfoot!

But he had very small feet, actually.

He was self-conscious of his feet so he bough big shoes and stuffed them with Kleenex.

But then he walked funny.

He fell down because he walked funny.

And because Greg likes to attack people with his beard.

But then he was attacked by a lawnmower and his beard died.

Man there was a lot of blood! It was gross.

The sticky liquid was everywhere!

But Kelly came and ate it all.

Kelly ate too much, and had to have his stomach removed.

So he started using stom-o-matic in place of his missing stomach.

Then a band of Middle Eastern men mooned him.

Now that was a full moon.

It was almost as bright as day.

It was so close that for our purposes, it was as bright as day.

It was so close, it out-shone the sun.

So Bob walked away from the divine bovine.

And realized his pants were still in (something) and so there he went.

Unfortunately the only transportation available was by donkey.

It was a magical donkey, with dual rocket-engines.

The engines malfunctioned and the donkey plummeted towards Earth.

The donkey activated the parachute.

And in doing this, accidentally fell off the ICBM (Inter-Continental-Ballistic-Missile).

But luckily a dimensional portal to India where he met Phillip.

In case you didn't know Phillip was a door.

He went on to marry Jane the window and lived happily ever after.

The necromancer bought a wand of Resurrect Chair from the Necromancy shop.

He soon discovered that it was defective and tried to take it back

But the Microsoft Customer Service sucked so he was forced to keep his broken X-Box

So off to Microsoft he drove, in his 1973 Cadillac Deville

When he got there, he kicked Bill Gates in the shin

But it didn't hurt because he was wearing an X-Box as a shin guard

He still lost one armor off his leg. So he cast barkskin on himself

He screwed up and turned into a tree, then a dendrophiliac walked up to him

But unlike most dendrophiliacs, he was "carazy" dendrophiliac.

But Bob hid this from his physiologist and instead ate his fetus

He had forgotten that he was allergic to fetuses

So he died

Then the afore-mentioned necromancer turned him into a zombie

The zombie started to eat Nick's brain

If only he knew that Nick's brain was poison!

Be he didn't know it was poison and instead ate Nick's pants

Nick's pants were very tasty

Because they were covered with Nutella!

The ignorant peasantry didn't know what Nutella was. They only knew one thing

The barley was attacking!! They had to fight back!!

So they fought back...with fuzzy bunnies

The bunnies attacked in great numbers, as the convict fell

The bunnies held a great celebration that night

And Bill Gates wasn't invited!

So he threw his own party, and nobody else was invited

Excluding his monkey, of course, which got really drunk

But the monkey wasn't as drunk as they thought. He knew they excluded him from the card game because of his drinking so he decided to end it all by using the Atomic bomb attached to his back to destroy the world. But the bomb didn't work so in the end he just wound up feeling like a big idiot.

We were going to play the best game ever!

It involved sledgehammer and a X-Box ®

And as every X-Box should be, it was destroyed

So Greg decided to dump his X-Box and get a Super-Nintendo

Greg truly was a blithering idiot

But he was a big hit with the ladies

He wasn't quite as good as Kelly though. That Kelly is awesome!

Awesome like a fox! Actually, Ryan T was best

Best at lying about how good an X-Box was that is (even though they aren't)

So he lied and said that X-Boxes and Super-Nintendos are different

He thought he was lying. but...

But nothing! He was lying!

He was turned over to the Spanish Inquisition and they tortured the truth out of him.

"It's true!" he shouted. "I am Jesus!"

Yes it is true, his name is Jesus (hey-soos)

So Jesus removed his pants and revealed something grand!

Jesus was hiding a rabbit in his pants!

Then the rabbit bit him, but the rabbit was rabid so Jesus started foaming at the mouth (cause now he had rabies too)

His disciples emulated him by being bitten by rabbits and raving about, and founded the Church of the Holy Rabies

After a few days, however, they realized their ignorance and converted to Scientology

But before they could do this they had to find out what Scientology was

So off to the local school library to gather a new bible

Unfortunately, he was waylaid on the way there and killed, by occasion, his monkey.

It was the longest hour of my life.

I couldn’t wait to see the games for the Gamecube!

I heard they were stupid.

But everyone is stupid compared to the infinite wisdom of Xena!

Stupid and ignorant and hyperactive.

Silly and narrowminded and stinky as well.

What a stench, that should be illegal.

Holly put your arms down! That smell is horrible!

It smelt of rusted barley.

A smell of nutrition and health.

Along with it came the foul stench of youth.

Eww, stinky youth, put some deodorant on!

Then he fell over…dead!

But the Grim Reaper was on a coffee break.

He ordered an expresso, extra-black with lots of sugar.

Then he had an Italian soda.

A grape one, of course, with whipping cream.

The cream was very mean and whipped Kelly.

And Kelly died a horrible, horrible death.

But then he was resurrected, and he became supreme god of Russia. The end.

The train pulled up to the platform and the passengers got out.

They were so excited, they were finally there!

They finally found the end of the world…Ahhhhhhhhh!! (Falling off)

While they fell, they had time to think.

And they thought about the movie they watched in Shapes.

It was funny; one guy got shot like ten times and he was still alive for ten minutes.

And it, because it, with the stuff, with some things!

You know, the things? With the stuff owned by that guy in the place?

So the guy who owned the stuff went to the place.

Then stuff happened to the stuff.

And it created Mario. Cool, huh? I thought it was.

And shortly after, Luigi was brought into existence.

Luigi decided to have something to eat.

So he went into his mansion, but found it haunted.

By the things! Oh no, here comes Nick’s really random line!

Well it has to be random after your sentence!

However, there is a thread of truth in all random statements.

But as everybody knows, threads are made to be eaten.

Actually, everyone doesn’t know that.

But some people know that stuff vewy, vewy well.

Because I like to do it sometimes also. It’s fun!

Nothing like it on a cold morning.

Except maybe some good oatmeal. Mmm, oatmeal.

With pickles and onions and tomatoes! Oh my!

Kelly scarfed down those onions and no one walked around him for five years.

But he sure did smell good! “Mmmm Kelly smells so good,” people would say.

Kelly smelled so good, all girls loved him and wanted to marry him.

Kelly didn’t object so he ended up married to all of them.

Even Jason!

And Greg.

The box had been unopened for decades.

A fine layer of dust had accumulated on the lid.

It contained the preserved head of Kelly Gordon.

When she opened it the head jumped out at her and knocked her head off and stole her body.

It was pretty cool, heh heh heh.

It was so cool, I felt like singing.

Singing and doing a little dance.

Then Ms. Grobey told Kelly to stop, and start working.

“But Ms. Grobey,” Kelly said.

“It’s Nick’s fault. You should punish him,” he told her.

He told her all the details.

Even what Chris did to the poor chickens.

It was horrible, disgusting, and revolting.

I never knew a person could do that!

Except for that one time in Mississippi, of course.

That one time on the steam-powered ship.

That’s when Kelly met his idol: Bob the Barley Mage.

But Bob was so angry with Kelly asking for his signature that he turned Kelly into barley.

And Nick ate him. “Mmmm barley,” said Nick.

“Too bad I don’t have any turkey SPAM for dessert!” he added.

“However, I do have some creamy lard,” he exclaimed.

Creamy lard cures all that ails ye!

Unless it’s serious. Then the lard makes it worse.

Because lard is quite unhealthy and gross.

But it makes for hours of slippery fun!

In a sprinkler, sicko!